Nothing In Our Lives Is Wasted: Davey Blackburn & Allyson Golden
This episode mentions violence and may not be suitable for all listeners.
Davey Blackburn: I feel like on some level, God has been propelling me—and all of us, really—into stories of meeting the offenses that have been done to us, the grievances that have been committed against us… meeting them with God’s heart, Jesus’s heart. The same heart that when Jesus was on the cross says, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.” And when we do that, people are impacted.
Nothing In Our Lives Is Wasted: Davey Blackburn & Allyson Golden – Episode #438
Narrator: Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week, we’ll hear from Davey Blackburn, founder of Nothing Is Wasted Ministries, who shares his heart-wrenching story of love, loss, and finding life again after profound pain. After planting a new church, Davey faced unimaginable tragedy when his wife, Amanda, and their unborn child were killed in a home invasion. Through his journey, he discovers a path forward—one that blends sorrow with a powerful hope, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, truly, nothing is wasted.
Later in the episode, we’ll hear from Allyson Golden, an author, speaker, and pediatric nurse. From bringing hope into the difficult moments she faces as a nurse, to reflecting God’s love on social media, Allyson actively seeks to be a light to those who are trying to overcome darkness.
Let’s begin with Davey’s story.
Davey Blackburn: My name is Davey Blackburn and I lead a ministry called Nothing Is Wasted Ministries. We help people in trauma, tragedy, and major life transition, and ultimately want to help them discover purpose out of their pain. I live in Indianapolis, Indiana with my wife, Kristy. And we have three kids: Natalia, who just turned eleven, Weston, who is about to turn ten, and Cohen, who is four.
A Young Couple Comes Together for a Common Purpose
I met Amanda when I was a sophomore in college, and she was a senior in high school. We were set up by a friend of ours. I was really skeptical at first. But when I met her, I fell absolutely head over heels. There was just something so intriguing about her. She had, very clearly, this massive heart for the Lord and for serving people. I remember seeing her smile and laugh and just go, Man, I could look at that smile for the rest of my life. We started a long-distance dating relationship. She ended up going to school in Florida, and it was amazing to have that long-distance dating relationship. Even though we were remiss about the fact that we weren’t able to see each other and be around each other all the time, we really got to know each other’s heart through that long-distance relationship. And then in 2008, we all graduated college. And then we actually had a double wedding that summer with Gavin, the one who introduced us, and Amanda’s sister.
In 2008, we started pastoring as youth pastors at a church in South Carolina. And in the fall of 2015, we were just seeing that church plant began to pick up some momentum and it kind of turned the corner. I remember at the very beginning of November, Amanda looked at me. We had just come back from a team retreat, and she goes, “Dave, this church is really going to take. This is amazing what God is doing, and the life change that we’re experiencing in this little small church.” And she said, “We’re living our dream.”
Facing a Life-Altering Tragedy
On November 10th, 2015, I left to go to the gym, and while I was away at the gym, three men who were on a random crime spree in our city had broken into the home three doors down from me and saw me leave for the gym, and decided to take that opportunity to break into our home.
While I was away, Amanda was caught up in that home invasion. We had a fifteen month old at the time, and we were pregnant with our second. She was shot three times, and I came home to find her. She was unconscious when I found her, but still breathing very laboriously.
I called the paramedics and we got her to the hospital as fast as we could, and I expected, honestly, that once they got her attended to that she would become stabilized, that they would get her vitals stabilized, and that when they brought me back there to to see her, she would be sitting up in her bed and everything would be fine—because I just couldn’t imagine or fathom this actually happening to us.
I’ll never forget being in the hospital as we were waiting for test results to come back. I put on Pandora at the foot of her bed, the Elevation Worship radio station. The very first song that came up was a song called “Nothing Is Wasted” by Elevation Worship. It was like there were no words that needed to be said, but it’s like God reached into that hospital room in the darkest moment of our lives, and filled that hospital room with His presence and whispered to our souls, “Guys, this is not going to turn out the way that you want it to turn out. But I promise you, I’m not going to waste this.” And that became an anchor. That became something that our entire family held on to, almost kind of a mantra that really became a salve for our soul.
“God reached into that hospital room in the darkest moment of our lives, and filled that hospital room with His presence and whispered to our souls.” – Davey Blackburn
Twenty-four hours later, there in the hospital on November 11th, 2015, she was pronounced officially deceased, and I lost Amanda and our unborn baby, Evie.
The Dark Depths of Grief
We moved on November 11th, 2011 to plant this church, to pursue this dream and this calling. And four years to the day later, Amanda was taken from me. Here I was, overnight, a single dad, just lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, and trying to figure out how to sort through that grief—as well as help the church that we had planted, that small congregation who were so connected to Amanda as well, sort through that grief in their own world. It was just an unimaginable, unfathomable, unspeakable tragedy that turned my life upside down.
The first few days and weeks, even a couple of months, was just wading through shock. I couldn’t eat. I had no appetite. I was just in this daze, and I was in complete shock of what had taken place. I would wake up most mornings usually in a cold sweat after having a nightmare of the images of finding Amanda, and just the fear that was surrounding all of that haunting me. And I would not want to face the day. I would quite literally—this is very raw and honest—want to die. I didn’t want to keep living. I couldn’t fathom how I could keep living without her.
I didn’t know what to do because I was a pastor, and because I felt like I needed to be strong for my son, I found that I was really stuffing a whole lot of this grief. It had no place to go, and it was just festering and rotting inside of me, and it was beginning to affect my entire body. And then after that shock wore off, I was in the deepest, darkest place that I could ever imagine going to in my life.
It had become a major news story both in our city and around the country. A lot of people are able to grieve privately. But now I had the eyes and the scrutiny of people all over the world who were leaning in and looking into our grief.
Romans 8:28 tells us that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes. The problem is we know that truth to be true. And yet the next several days, weeks, and months to follow, it doesn’t feel like it’s true. It feels like the bottom has just dropped out and we’re going, “How in the world, God, is this at all working for good?”
“It feels like the bottom has just dropped out and we’re going, ‘How in the world, God, is this at all working for good?’” – Davey Blackburn
Our emotional grief is going to manifest itself physically. Our spiritual grief is going to manifest itself physically. And I was getting physically sick because of what I was feeling. I thought that I was going to have to either live like that for forever or just wish that I could be dead. I didn’t want to live without Amanda.
I think now looking back on it in retrospect, I see the grace of God in that phase of the healing journey, because if I had felt the full weight of what had just happened, it would have, I think, literally killed me.
When We Find It Hard to Forgive
For quite a season, not only was I wrestling with this unimaginable grief and this heartache and loss, but I was also wrestling with rage and anger and bitterness. I wanted vengeance. I wanted to make this right. And at the same time, I was having trouble reconciling with that because I knew what I was supposed to do. As a pastor, I’d preached messages on forgiveness. I’d preached messages on if we experienced the radical forgiveness of Jesus in our own lives, how can we then not be a conduit for radical forgiveness? I knew what I was supposed to say, but at the end of the day, my heart and my mind weren’t aligning.
And so for several years then, I had to wrestle through this idea of forgiveness, of what does this look like? Because I began to realize that the bitterness and the resentment was not doing anything to these three men, but it was actually harming me. I realized that nothing that no amount of justice here on earth was going to ever bring Amanda back and was ever going to truly assuage the pain that I was experiencing. I think a lot of people expect some kind of vindication or some kind of feeling of satisfaction when the perpetrators have been indicted. And the truth is, that doesn’t come because there is something that is so much richer and so much more meaningful in a different realm, in the spiritual realm, when we truly recognize that God is the ultimate judge and arbiter of all of our lives. And that as Scripture says, vengeance is His [Romans 12:19-21].
This was such a long journey to get to the actual place where an indictment and a sentencing was read and the men were actually convicted. But by the time I got to that place, I was truly at a place in my heart where I trusted God with the true justice.
“This was such a long journey to get to the actual place where an indictment and a sentencing was read and the men were actually convicted. But by the time I got to that place, I was truly at a place in my heart where I trusted God with the true justice.” – Davey Blackburn
When Our Circumstances Don’t Align With Our Faith
My dreams of growing old with Amanda, everything I thought my life was going to play out to be, I had to take those questions to the Lord and wrestle with Him. The truth is we all have very real questions about—especially when our circumstances don’t line up with a reconciliation—the God that we’ve essentially created. And when we wrestle with God, we begin to realize how big God is, how sovereign God is, and how good God is. And the mysteries of who He is become clear to us and we begin to get to this place where it doesn’t necessarily make sense. I call it peace in the paradox, where you’re like, These two things seem at odds. They seem conflicting, and yet they’re both true. God is a good and loving God, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Nothing comes into my life without His allowance or His approval. And there’s pain and suffering and evil that comes into my life. How could those two things be true together? Well, they can be. And as we begin to wrestle with God, we begin to see the mysteries of that. And quite frankly, the beauty of it, too, that God takes what the enemy means for evil in our lives, and He turns it around for good.
“When we wrestle with God, we begin to realize how big God is, how sovereign God is, and how good God is.” – Davey Blackburn
It led me on a journey to say, “Okay, God, what are you wanting to do? Not just in me, but through me, to be a catalyst for change in the people’s lives around me?” And some of that was the church I was pastoring at the time. We were leading a movement where we were going into a really rough neighborhood and serving these inner city kids and teenagers in partnership with the church there and helping them as they’re trying to make some of these critical decisions at crossroads of their life. And when I began to do those kinds of things that were purposeful, it began to propel me into the redemptive part of my story, where I began to realize, Okay, God’s healing for me is not just healing for me. It doesn’t terminate with me. It actually is for the benefit and blessing of other people.
The Jesus Calling devotional was probably sent to me more than any other devotional or any other resource or book that was sent to me during this time. It’s a phenomenal resource for people as they’re going through whatever they’re going through, whether they feel like they’re on the mountaintop or the valley. The valley may feel very dark and foreboding right now, but as you begin to move out of the valley, you journey with God, the good Shepherd, who will lead you through the valley. Then you’ll begin to look back on the valley and your perspective will be very different. You’ll actually see it as very beautiful.
Jesus Listens, June 3rd:
God of grace,
I come to You for understanding since You know me far better than I know myself. You comprehend me in all my complexity; no detail of my life is hidden from You. Yet I don’t need to fear Your intimate awareness of me because I know that You view me through eyes of grace. Lord, I want the Light of Your healing Presence to shine into the deepest recesses of my being— cleansing, healing, refreshing, and renewing me.
Help me to trust You enough to accept the full forgiveness that You offer me continually. This glorious gift cost You Your Life, and it is mine for all eternity! I’m grateful that forgiveness is at the very core of Your abiding Presence. You assure me through Your Word: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
When no one else seems to understand me, I can simply draw nearer to You— rejoicing in the One who understands me completely and loves me perfectly. As You fill me with Your Love, I long to become a reservoir of love that overflows into the lives of other people.
In Your lovely Name, Jesus,
Amen
Narrator: To learn more about Davey, please visit www.nothingiswasted.com. And be sure to check out his book, Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain, available at your favorite retailer.
Stay tuned to Allyson Golden’s story after a brief message.
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For over twenty years, readers have discovered the joy of spending time in the presence of the Savior with the much-loved daily devotions in Jesus Calling.
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Our next guest is Allyson Golden, a dedicated pediatric nurse, speaker, and author. In her work, Allyson often witnesses life’s toughest moments, where darkness can feel overwhelming. She shares how her faith has served as a guiding light in her own life and offers insights on how we, too, can be a light to others, bringing hope in even the hardest times.
Allyson Golden: My name is Allyson Golden and I am a part time pediatric nurse, an author, and a speaker, and I have been married to my husband, Michael, for about five years. We live in San Diego, California. We are both on staff at our local church called Aloha Church. He is the worship pastor and I run all of our social media and our emails. And then my husband is now leading a new nonprofit called San Diego Prayer House. I’m also a part time student in seminary and getting my master’s degree in biblical and theological studies.
The Challenges of Being a Nurse
I grew up in a town called Porterville, California. I actually grew up on an orange grove, and I lived there my entire life. And then I came to school down here in San Diego, and I stayed here.
I had so many wild dreams for myself. When I was little, I wanted to be a fashion designer. And then I wanted to be an interior designer and all these fun, creative things. And as I then went into high school, I actually was a math geek. I loved math, I love science, and that’s kind of when I was like, Oh, I think I’d love to be a nurse because I love being with people. I love helping people. I’ve been a nurse for over five years at this point.
As a pediatric nurse, you see so many hard and dark things, things that so many people don’t ever see. It’s so hard at times to find the light or have hope. It’s really easy to ask the Lord, you know, “Where is Your light? You say You’re the light of the world, but why am I still seeing all these hard and dark things?” It’s easy to just get stuck in those questions and not that the questions are bad—but how do we actually seek out the light of Christ when things are dark?
“It’s so hard at times to find the light or have hope. It’s really easy to ask the Lord, ‘Where is Your light? You say You’re the light of the world, but why am I still seeing all these hard and dark things?’” – Allyson Golden
I believe that loneliness is making us feel like nobody loves us. Nobody wants to be with us. Nobody wants to hear what we have to say. Yet we have a God who only wants to be with us, only wants to hear what we have to say, and has ample things to say about us and to us that are only good and only kind and only for our betterment. I’ve definitely had my share of questions with the Lord and laying my thoughts and feelings at His feet. But knowing ultimately, His light has actually overcome all darkness.
Prayer Changes Things
What is beautiful is that Jesus Calling was something that truly impacted my faith so much. When I was in high school, I had the app on my phone and I also had the little book. This was now, gosh, ten plus years ago that my mom had told me about Jesus Calling, and I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot at high school and reading it before every morning. And so it would be that thing that I did in the morning to just set my mind right for the day and to talk with the Lord. And so I feel like Jesus Calling impacted my life so, so, so much. It truly just started that rhythm for me back in the day of connecting with Jesus in the mornings first thing and praying and hearing His heart over me.
Prayer is so important to me and so important in my life, and the Lord has taught me so much about prayer over the past few years, of what it means to continually have a conversation with Him. He’s so eager to always be talking to us and He’s so eager to always be listening to us as well. That all happens when we pray. As a nurse, prayer plays a huge part in my life. I am praying before every shift. I’m praying on shift, asking for strength, asking for grace. And it just makes me feel connected to the Lord and makes me feel like I’m not alone.
“As a nurse, prayer plays a huge part in my life. I am praying before every shift. I’m praying on shift, asking for strength, asking for grace. And it just makes me feel connected to the Lord and makes me feel like I’m not alone.” – Allyson Golden
Narrator: To learn more about Allyson Golden, you may visit www.wordsaregolden.com, and then be sure to check out her book, Arise and Shine: How to Be the Light That Ignites Hope in a Dark World, at your favorite retailer.
If you’d like to hear more stories about God’s light shining through the darkness, check out our interview with Amy Downs.
Next Time: Dr. Chris Rappazini
Next time on the Jesus Calling Podcast, we’ll hear from professor of leadership Dr. Chris Rappazini, who shares how he’s learned firsthand how to move forward in a healthy and healing way after we mess up—and how to come alongside people in our lives who might need our forgiveness for their mistakes.
Dr. Chris Rappazini: Whenever we have a family member or a friend who has messed up, feelings get hurt because we are emotional beings and that’s how God created us. We can choose to either dwell on the past and dwell on those emotions. But I think the main focus when it comes to our relationships is what do we want our relationships to look like in the future? And what do we need to do today?
