Jay Lowder: There were seasons where I was in such a dark place that I questioned, Was God real? Was everything that I was ever told going to church authentic? Was that real? And I really didn’t know the answer to that. 

Finding Hope Through Waves of Sorrow: Jay Lowder and Riley Kehoe – Episode #451

Narrator: Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week, we’ll hear from Jay Lowder, an evangelist who has spent more than two decades traveling the globe, sharing the message of the gospel with audiences ranging from NFL teams to prison inmates. Early in his life, Jay struggled with depression which led him to medicate with alcohol, but ultimately brought him no peace from his pain. Feeling like giving up, Jay considered suicide, and he shares about the series of events that led him to finally find the peace he was looking for. 

Later in the episode, we’ll hear from Riley Kehoe, an influencer and author, who shares the harrowing story of how her family survived a tsunami in Thailand when she was just a little girl. Riley recounts the terrifying events of the day, how her family stayed to help those who lost everything, and how she leaned on scripture to deal with the aftermath of such a traumatic event.

Let’s begin with Jay’s story.

Jay Lowder: My name is Jay Lowder, and I am a full-time evangelist. I travel across the world itinerantly, and I’m invited by everything from NFL football teams, to drug rehab centers, to prisons, to churches, both large and small, to communicate the gospel. My life is centered around one thing and one thing only. The mission statement of our ministry is reaching people for Christ and inspiring others to do the same. 

Plugged In, But Tuned Out

I grew up in the South. When you grow up in the South, church is a way of life. My mom actually taught the youth group, and we were there every time the door opened. 

When I was young, I made several what is called a “profession of faith.” I walked an aisle, I was baptized—actually I was baptized on three different occasions. When I graduated from high school and I went off to college, church was in my rear view mirror. I didn’t really want anything to do with it, because the way I looked at it, church was just a place that we went, but not something that added any real value to my life. I didn’t have a connection because I didn’t have a relationship to Christ. 

“Church was just a place that we went, but not something that added any real value to my life. I didn’t have a connection because I didn’t have a relationship to Christ.” – Jay Lowder 

I left college and moved back to my hometown, because the way I was living, my life was obviously not conducive to making good grades in school, and my party lifestyle was very reflective of my grades. I moved back home and moved in with an old buddy of mine from high school, because his lifestyle matched up with mine. For the next two years, basically, it was just a continuation of what I had been living at college. It was just jumping from one party to the next, jumping from job to job, to just make enough money to support my lifestyle. At that time, I really had some mental health issues. I fought a lot of depression.

A Slow Descent into Darkness

By the time I hit about twenty-one, most of the people that I knew were getting close to finishing college or they were in the workforce. But because I was battling an alcohol addiction, my life had really just got put into quicksand. I was really in a rut and I was going nowhere. On top of all that, it was about that time that me and the girl I had been dating for quite some time split up. I also lost my car and I also lost my job. The addiction fed into the depression, the depression fed into the addiction. I began to contemplate, Is my life really worth living?

Every day when I would wake up, I would walk down to the bathroom and I would pour cold water on my face to try to sober up. For some reason, this one day that I did that, as I looked in the mirror, I saw myself in a way I had never seen myself before, like the mask came off. When I looked at the mirror, I began to scream at the top of my lungs, “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” I took my right fist and I put it into the mirror, and the mirror shattered and the pieces of glass that were left in it, I remember thinking, That’s my life. As broken as this mirror is, that’s exactly who I am.

I was in such a dark place that I questioned, Was God real? Was everything that I was ever told  going to church authentic? Was that real? And I really didn’t know the answer to that. 

“I was in such a dark place that I questioned, Was God real? Was everything that I was ever told  going to church authentic? Was that real? And I really didn’t know the answer to that.” – Jay Lowder 

I had a .22 caliber pistol. I took that pistol out and decided, This is it. I can’t go on like this. I don’t want to live this way. I cocked back the hammer, pointed it to my temple, put my finger on the trigger, bowed my head between my legs, and began to squeeze the trigger. As I’m literally putting pressure on the trigger, I heard somebody pull up on the gravel driveway outside.

And wouldn’t you know, it was my roommate. I was stunned. I immediately went back to the sofa, flipped on the television, wiped the tears off my eyes, disengaged the hammer, and slammed it underneath the sofa, so that when he walked in, he wouldn’t know what was going on. 

I said, “Ralph, what are you doing home, man?” He said, “It’s the craziest thing, Jay. You know  my dad, you know how hard my dad is. You know that my dad’s never let me off work early in my life. My dad walks up to me and says, ‘Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, and I’ll pay you for the full day?’” I said, “Why would your dad do that?” And he said, “I don’t know.” I began to question the coincidence of it—or was it even a coincidence? 

A Familiar Story Heard for the First Time

A few weeks later, my mom knew my life was jacked up, but she didn’t know I was suicidal. When my mom called my name, I walked into the den and she just pointed towards the television. There was a commercial about this guy that was an evangelist and he was coming to our city. My mom says, “Jay, why don’t you come to this event?” Now she wasn’t inviting me because she thought I was suicidal, she just knew that my life was messed up and I needed God. I said, “Mom, thanks, but no thanks. Been there, done that, not interested.” But when I left the house, I got to thinking, Maybe I ought to go hear this guy.

I had plans with a buddy of mine and he no-shows me. My mom had told me earlier that day, “Hey, the event starts tonight.” I’m driving around in this old pickup and there’s really nothing to do, and I thought, You know what? I’m going to go hear this guy. I’m sitting in the parking lot, slamming a few beers to get a good buzz going, then I walked in late and got up on the balcony hoping that nobody would see me. The balcony’s packed wall to wall. 

Growing up in church, I’ve heard about the crucifixion of Christ [Matthew 27:32-56] and I’ve heard it many times, but I’ve never heard it like that. And here He is hanging from this cross. He’s pushing up on the nails to try to gasp for breath and then somehow manages to say, “Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they’re doing. [Luke 23:34]” And when He says that, I’m like, How can you forgive these people for what they’ve done to you? I mean, it doesn’t make sense. I wasn’t even there, but I hate them. I hate them for what they did. The next thought that goes through my mind is, If God could forgive those Roman soldiers, maybe He could forgive me. 

“The next thought that goes through my mind is, If God could forgive those Roman soldiers, maybe He could forgive me.” – Jay Lowder 

The guy gets to the end of his message and he says this: “Some of you grew up in church. You heard all about God. You can quote John 3:16. You’re religious, but you’re lost. You profess Christ, but you don’t possess Christ.” It was at that moment that I realized, Man, I’m lost. I don’t know God. He concludes his message by quoting John 3:36, and that verse says, “He that has the Son has life. He who doesn’t have the Son doesn’t have life.” When he said that it’s like, That’s me. I’m living, I’m breathing, but I don’t have a life. He said, “If you want forgiveness, if you want Christ in your life, I’m going to ask you to get out of your seat and come forward. I want to pray with you and lead you in a prayer.” 

I didn’t know what it was like to have peace anymore. Every day, I was ravaged with wanting to die. That night, I got on my knees and I can’t tell you exactly what I prayed, but it was something along the lines of, My life is a wreck and I want You in my life. There was nothing fancy about it, there was nothing articulate about it, but it was so sincere. I just asked Jesus to come into my life, to save me, to forgive me. I knew when I got off my knees, I didn’t really understand much of anything, but I knew something had happened. 

When I heard about forgiveness in a way I’d never heard about it, it was the realization that not only could God forgive me, but I don’t know if I really thought I could forgive myself at the time, but at that time it didn’t even really matter. All that really mattered was having God’s forgiveness. 

That night, there were like 300 kids that gave their lives to Christ. When I saw all those kids get saved, I said, “That’s what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I want to help other people like me who are suicidal, who are depressed. I want to help people like me come to know the Lord, like I’ve come to know the Lord.” I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know what an evangelist was. There’s nobody in my whole family history that’s ever been in ministry. 

That night, that’s when I knew that I wanted to spend my life helping other people come to know the Lord. That’s all I want to do. I started getting opportunities to share my testimony and then a guy down at the local faith mission—the faith mission is like a Salvation Army where street people, addicts, prostitutes, and homeless people go. The guy that ran the mission calls me, because by now he knows who I am [because I’m there all the time. He says, “Hey, man, the guy that speaks the first Thursday of every month is moving out of town. Would you like to be the guy that preaches on Thursday night?” I remember calling my mom, and you would have thought I got invited to speak at Madison Square Garden. I’m like, “Mom, I’m going to be preaching once a month at the faith mission.” The very first night I preached, I literally had to break up a fight, but the doors started opening. 

I’ve never been the guy that says, “Well you know, if you come to know the Lord, all your problems are going to fade away.” The truth is if you give your life to the Lord, there may be a season where things get worse. It’s troublesome to me that there is an element of Christendom that wants to say, Well, if you’re still struggling with mental health issues, you’re just not praying enough or your faith is not great enough. I don’t believe that. I think that is totally wrong, and I think that only adds greater anxiety and greater struggle to people who are already facing that. Just because a person is taking medication or they’re going to therapy, does not make them any less. There’s nothing that’s unspiritual about getting therapy, or going to counseling, or taking medication.

“I’ve never been the guy that says, ‘Well you know, if you come to know the Lord, all your problems are going to fade away.’ The truth is if you give your life to the Lord, there may be a season where things get worse.” – Jay Lowder 

I think there are so many people who are suffering in silence. There’s a myriad and a multitude of people who… matter of fact, I read recently that mental health is one of the biggest health issues worldwide. So there are a lot of people who are struggling with mental health issues, a lot of people who are struggling with depression. 

Knowing Jesus goes way beyond just going to heaven. It even goes beyond being forgiven. It goes to a Friend that’s closer than a brother that wants to walk with you, lead you, and guide you. And it goes back to the verse that I heard the night I met Jesus. Christ said, “I came to give you not just life, I came to give you an abundant life.’

“Knowing Jesus goes way beyond just going to heaven. It even goes beyond being forgiven. It goes to a Friend that’s closer than a brother that wants to walk with you, lead you, and guide you. And it goes back to the verse that I heard the night I met Jesus. Christ said, ‘I came to give you not just life, I came to give you an abundant life.’” – Jay Lowder

Jesus Listens, December 17th:

Faithful God, 

Help me hold unswervingly to the hope I profess, trusting that You are faithful. Sometimes—especially when many things are going wrong—all I can do is hold on to You. I would love to be able to sort things out in my mind and find the way forward, but often this is impossible. At such times, what I really need to do is seek Your Face and profess my hope. 

The basis of my confidence is that You are faithful. Moreover, You have promised You will not let me be tempted beyond my ability to endure. Sometimes the way of escape You provide comes through my own words, such as: “I trust You, Jesus; You are my hope.” This affirmation keeps me holding on to You as my hope—unswervingly and trustingly. 

In Your hope-filled Name, Jesus, 

Amen

Narrator: To learn more about Jay Lowder, visit www.jaylowder.com, and be sure to check out his new book, Midnight in Aisle Seven, at your favorite retailer.

Stay tuned to Riley Kehoe’s story after a brief message.

---

Celebrate the Season with Jesus Listens for Lent & Easter

Walk through the season of Lent with an intentional focus on your Savior, and prepare for the joy and victory of His resurrection with Jesus Listens for Lent & Easter. This book offers seasonally-themed devotions from Sarah Young’s New York Times bestseller Jesus Listens. Inside, you’ll find prayers, reflections, and Bible verses based on Jesus’ life and sacrifice, plus stunning spring and Easter illustrations, making this a holiday treasure to cherish for years to come. 

This book makes the perfect gift for anyone longing to draw closer to Jesus during the Lenten and Easter seasons, for families who want to cultivate a tradition of seasonal prayers and devotions together, and for those looking for peace, forgiveness, and a deeper experience of trusting God. 

As you pray Scripture throughout this season of remembering Christ’s death and resurrection, you’ll experience how prayer connects you to God, helps you seek forgiveness, and brings you the inexpressible joy and freedom of knowing that Christ has risen.

Find Jesus Listens for Lent & Easter today at your favorite retailer. 

---

Our next guest is speaker, writer, and influencer Riley Kehoe, who as a ten-year old survived the devastating 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami that claimed hundreds of thousands of lives. Riley shares the story of how she and her family made it out alive, and what life looked like in the aftermath of this tragic event. 

Riley Kehoe: My name is Riley Kehoe. I was born in London, but I grew up on a farm in New Zealand. My husband and I got married two years ago. We spent the last ten months traveling as missionaries, and now we live on a cute little farm in Franklin, Tennessee.  

My family growing up really prioritized travel, and we had actually lived and traveled in twenty-five countries by the time I was fifteen. We would go and do missions work wherever we would land—my family would just find somewhere or someone to love on. That really just marked me as a kid, because I spent so much of my childhood just serving people, and I realized that is the greatest joy in life.  

“We would go and do missions work wherever we would land—my family would just find somewhere or someone to love on.” – Riley Kehoe

A Terrifying Storm, A Narrow Escape

When I was ten years old, my family traveled to Thailand. It was a place that my grandfather lived, but it was also a place that my family loved going to for missions work. We spent a few weeks there working at an orphanage that rescued children from the sex trade, and after that, my whole extended family had booked a vacation. Thailand is known for these beautiful islands that it has on the coast. It’s just gorgeous, like crystal clear water, palm trees, and massive cliffs. We show up and arrive the day before Christmas. We had booked beachfront bungalows, and when we got there, they had mixed up our bookings and given us a concrete apartment on the top floor in the middle of the island. 

Christmas Day—I remember I was so excited because I got red candy cane pajamas and ate too much chocolate. I was just so happy to be surrounded by my family. The day after Christmas, I was fast asleep early in the morning, and suddenly, my whole bed started shaking.  I ran down the hallway to where my parents were, and I’m like, “Mom, what’s going on?” My mom looks at me, and she’s like, “It’s an earthquake, honey, don’t worry.” The moment she says that, the earthquake stopped. My parents called the front desk to ask, “Hey, what’s going on?” and they told us it was just this random one-off earthquake. We go to breakfast, then we go and visit this island called Egg Island, which is essentially just a pile of sand in the ocean. This island is very small, and the way it’s structured is it’s flat in the middle with palm trees everywhere and then two big cliffs on either side. 

My sisters and I were making sand castles on the beach. We needed to go back to our room because my parents had booked rock climbing. We’re almost at the door to our apartment, and this beautiful place very quickly turns into something that was absolute devastation. On this island, there were tons of wild animals, like monkeys everywhere and wild dogs. All the animals just go quiet, like dogs yelp and start running into the bushes. Birds suddenly fly up into the air and just fly into the horizon. It just went silent. The only thing you could hear were human voices.  

I look to the beach from where we were in the middle of the island, and I hear screams. People are just screaming, and it’s just the sound of horror. All the water had left around the island, and it had left so quickly that there’s fish flying around everywhere. There in the horizon is this thin white line. I look up at my dad and I’m like, “What’s going on?” My mom grabs my one sister and my dad grabs the other sister, and she’s like, “We have to run.”  

We ran to the other side of the island which took about a minute, and there I saw a sight that I’ll never forget. There was a man who was on his boat. He climbs off his boat hoping to run to high ground, and realizes he’s not going to make it. He turns around, runs back onto his boat, and there the thin white line, which is now a fifty foot tsunami, comes and smashes him. He and his boat fly into a thousand pieces. It was this moment where I knew I might not survive.  

People are still running around into each other. Some people that were snorkeling are now getting smashed by the waves. My mom looks at me and she’s like, “Riley, the goat’s path.”

We start running there, and as we’re running, people are screaming and shouting. The whole ground is shaking. I just have so much fear rushing through my body. There’s sweat dripping down my back. I’m running as fast as my ten year old little legs can, but I’m getting tired. We finally reach the path and we start running up it, and the wave is getting closer and closer and closer. I looked behind me and I saw sights that no one should ever see. I saw the wave just take life after life after life. 

I had this moment where fear just wanted me to freeze. My dad saw me frozen, and he said “Riley, run.” I focused on the voice of my father, and I started running as fast as I could. It got to the point where the tsunami was less than a car’s distance from where we were—that’s how close death was to us. We managed to run high enough that the tsunami couldn’t reach us. 

The Devastating Aftermath of a Tsunami

My family stayed up on that hill for six hours. There were three tsunami waves that struck that day. There was a hiker’s hut, and we found a radio and it was updating us like, Another tsunami is coming, get to high ground. We were told by the government on the radio that there were no more tsunamis. You can return down to the main ground level. But we still waited a few hours just to make sure.  

We walked back down to the ground level and there were bodies everywhere—people who were missing limbs, buildings that were destroyed, and absolute devastation. We didn’t know where my grandfather was or where my aunties and my cousins were. I remember running up one time to this body and thinking it was my cousin, but realizing it wasn’t. We returned back to one of the only buildings that had stood through the tsunami—our apartment building. Almost all other buildings on the island were absolutely destroyed, but there was our apartment. There amongst the few hundred survivors that had gathered together was every single member of my family—all my family members had miraculously survived. 

I remember climbing into the shower and putting on those same candy cane pajamas that I’d worn the day before, but realizing, I will never be the same. The 2004 Boxing Day tsunami hit the coast of Southeast Asia and with it took 230,000 lives. We were among the few that were survivors.

“I remember climbing into the shower and putting on those same candy cane pajamas that I’d worn the day before, but realizing, I will never be the same. The 2004 Boxing Day tsunami hit the coast of Southeast Asia and with it took 230,000 lives. We were among the few that were survivors.” – RIley Kehoe 

Helping Those Who Lost It All

The five of us—my parents and my sisters—stayed on the island for a week. I watched every day as my mom and dad would kiss us on our foreheads and go out and help in whatever way they could. I was so confused at the moment, Why are we not leaving this island as quickly as we can? I want to just get back to my life in New Zealand. I want to snuggle my pony and be in my bed. My mom told us, “Hey, girls, we’re going to stay. We need to have courage to care for others right now, and we need to help these people who have lost absolutely everything.”

“I was so confused at the moment, Why are we not leaving this island as quickly as we can? I want to just get back to my life in New Zealand. I want to snuggle my pony and be in my bed. My mom told us, ‘Hey, girls, we’re going to stay. We need to have courage to care for others right now, and we need to help these people who have lost absolutely everything.’” – Riley Kehoe

We had limited food and water, and we lived off a handful of rice. They were out there moving bodies, moving debris, moving bricks, and doing as much as they could to help the Thai people who were now in just absolute chaos and devastation. They were showing us that this is the moment where we can have the courage to care for others. 

Coping With the Trauma of a Devastating Event

After the tsunami, I had horrible nightmares for months. My mom told me to repeat the scripture, the peace of God that transcends all understanding, to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. That’s become something that I’ve done over and over and over and over again until it’s like the Word of God is renewed so much in my mind that it becomes this instant habit. 

Living through something so traumatic, it just impacted me so deeply. I just want to encourage anyone that there is light and that Jesus will redeem, and He will be with you in your pain and your suffering. He promises to be close to the brokenhearted. My friend, hold on to hope and that hope’s name is Jesus. Know that Jesus will redeem you, but for now He’s also with you. He will never abandon you. He will never forsake you. Even right now, just pause and close your eyes and ask the Holy Spirit, ask the presence of God, to wrap around you.  

“I just want to encourage anyone that there is light and that Jesus will redeem, and He will be with you in your pain and your suffering. He promises to be close to the brokenhearted.” – Riley Kehoe

Narrator: To learn more about Riley Kehoe, please visit www.rileywithcourage.com, and be sure to check out her new book, Three Seconds of Courage, at your favorite retailer. 

If you’d like to hear more stories about how God shows up in the worst storms of our lives, check out our interview with Davey Blackburn.

---

Next week: Ann Voskamp

Next time on the Jesus Calling Podcast, we’ll hear from author and memoirist Ann Voskamp, who shares about the power that can be found in waiting on the next thing God has for our lives.

Ann Voskamp: Something very sacred and intentional and beautiful is happening in the waiting—our hearts are being woven to the Lord. It’s like a three-legged race where our hearts and our lives have been tied to the Lord so that we are walking with Him. I think when we wait on the Lord and our lives are being entwined, we’re actually being strengthened in God.