The Future Us
“My future stretches out before me, all the way into eternity, and You are the Companion who will never leave me— the Guide who knows every step of the way ahead.”
– Jesus Listens, December 31st
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine hosted a beautiful gathering for her daughter’s high school graduation. She had a wonderful celebration planned for her senior, including a lovely round table filled with all the things that represented eighteen years of life for her precious daughter on the brink of adulthood. Photos of family and friends, tiny stamped footprints, baby rattles, playbills, vinyl records, a pair of old cowboy boots, faded summer-camp t-shirts. The cherished treasures that make up a young life. Tears immediately sprang to my eyes as I glanced over each item on her table, and a question arose from somewhere deep within me: What do you want on your table?
The Future Table
Before we can craft a rhythm for our marriage, we first must envision the future us. What do we want on our table? What does the future us look like? Who do we hope to become twenty, thirty, forty years from now? When they leave our home, what will our kids say about the love they watched us share? What kind of relationship do we long to enjoy together? The truth is the habits we choose to practice today will determine the couple we become tomorrow. We each get a set of tables. I have my own, one for my marriage, and one for my family. That’s it. Those are all the tables I get, the only ones I am invited to fill. You have your own tables to fill.
Stop for a moment. If you can, sit quietly, and close your eyes for a few seconds. Think about the tables in your life, and envision each of them in the future. At the end of your life, what do you hope your tables will look like? When your friends and family gather to celebrate your fifty-year wedding anniversary, what do you hope to find on that table? Who do you want to see around it? Take a moment and write down your vision. Get as specific as you can.
The Current Table
Now that we’ve got a clear vision for the future, let’s take a moment to examine where we currently find ourselves. What is the shape of my table in this current season of life? What does it look like? Are there things I want to remove? Things that need redemption? Things I wish to add? What am I waiting for? All change begins with honesty. If we want to grow, we need to first take a good, hard look at where we are now. Not where we are in our heads, where we wish we could be, or where we were one Friday night three years ago. Something shifts when we admit and locate exactly where we find ourselves in this current moment. Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve had this conversation with your spouse, or maybe it’s never happened at all.
It’s time to get brutally honest. Take a moment and rate where you’d say you and your spouse are on a scale from miserable to thriving. If your biggest conflict is over who left the peanut butter out or whose turn it is to do the dishes, you’re probably closer to the thriving side. But if you can’t go a day without fighting and find it difficult just to be in the same room together, I’m guessing you’re closer to miserable. We can only grow to the degree we are honest. Take some time to discuss with your spouse where you are as a couple, free of judgment. This is not an invitation to point out each other’s flaws. As much as you can, with grace and openness and a desire to move your marriage closer to the thriving end of the scale, honestly assess your marriage. Wherever you find yourself right now on the relational scale, whether deeply in rhythm or significantly out of rhythm, be encouraged. Truth frees. Honestly admitting where we are is the greatest catalyst for change to begin.
The Surrendered Table
The truth is, most marital problems are spiritual problems. We must begin by crying out to the only one who truly has the power to save us. Take a moment to offer a prayer of surrender for your marriage. To the One who created it. To the One who truly knows the rhythms of a thriving marriage and how to get you there better than anyone. Acknowledge your need for Him. There’s a notable difference between gritting it out on our own, and the healthy rhythms that naturally flow from a heart that’s been strengthened by the Lord. Thank Him for the gift of someone to love for a lifetime, for the miracle of marriage, and for the good future He has for you. Acknowledge where you are today and ask Him to lead you through His strength to the more beautiful life He has for you.
Excerpted from: The Rhythm of Us. Copyright © 2021 Chris Graebe and Jenni Graebe. Published by NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Former MTV Road Rules reality star, Chris Graebe, and his wife Jenni are passionate about helping married couples step into the plan and purpose that God has for them, using that as the foundation to intentionally cultivate a loving, flourishing home. After having sought wisdom from those who have been married for decades and leaning into their own experience of being married for 20 years, the Graebe’s advocate that crafting a set of “rhythms” that align with your deepest values as a couple is key to a thriving marriage and family. Cohosts of the wildly popular Rhythm of Us Podcast, they interview guests about living a life of faith and the core habits of healthy relationships, with guests like Lisa Tyrkeurst, Max Lucado, and John and Stasi Eldredge to name a few! When they aren’t writing and podcasting, they are chasing their five kids around Franklin, TN.
Chris and Jenni are authors of two books: The Rhythm of Us: Create the Thriving Marriage You Long For and The Rhythm of Home: Five Intentional Practices for A Thriving Family Culture.
